Olympic champion Charlotte Worthington on taking a mental health break from BMX: "We're athletes, we're not robots"
Winning Olympic gold was one of the happiest moments in Worthington's life, but with it came a heavy burden. The British freestyler spoke to Olympics.com about the conversations that convinced her to step back from her beloved sport and the joy she has discovered in riding since freeing herself from outside expectations.
Cycling BMX Freestyle
There used to be a time when Charlotte Worthington would love nothing better than to ride her BMX bike all day.
As a young child, she would rush to the skatepark after a day of school lessons and later, as a young adult, after long shifts as a chef in a restaurant. A quick sandwich and a coffee were all the daily necessities Worthington needed to ride for hours under the floodlights, flipping and spinning through the concrete jungle that felt like home.
Until one day she realised that the love she had always for the sport was no longer there. Excitement changed to anxiety, enjoyment gave in to pressure.
"I went from having nothing before Tokyo [2020] to suddenly having sponsorship deals and opportunities and expectation and people wondering what I'm doing, what I'm up to, what I've got for the next competition, what's the next 360 backflip. I'm getting asked a lot of these questions," Worthington told Olympics.com about the mental burden she felt since becoming the first ever Olympic champion in BMX freestyle.
"If I didn't take a break, I would have just ground myself into the ground. I think talking about it really helps, and it's difficult because if you're a high-performing, high-striving athlete, then you don't really want anyone to see your weaknesses. You don't want anyone to even know that you're going through anything or that you have second thoughts. For me, it was like, 'I can't tell anyone that I'm having a hard time or that I'm feeling like this', and I was lying to myself."
After speaking to other Olympic champions who went through similar lows, Worthington decided to take a step back from her beloved sport. Olympics.com spoke to the champion freestyler to find out what led to this decision and why she doesn't regret slamming on the brakes.
Riding BMX: From love to obligation
Worthington’s life changed overnight when she went from a “scooter kid from Manchester” to Olympic champion.
Used to the lights of a night skatepark, she was suddenly facing the flashes of cameras, questions from journalists and phone calls from sponsors. Up until Tokyo 2020 it was mostly a solo journey, but now there were numerous people who all seemed to expect something from the 27-year-old.
"It started riding my scooter in the street, on my own, after school. And suddenly you're Olympic champion and there's people interviewing you and there's media requests and there's a team around you," Worthington said. "Sometimes you feel like, 'Man, I'm not at my best'. You might feel like you're letting those people down.
"I was constantly seeing training and seeing gym and BMX as it had to be this really difficult, hard, gruelling thing. I'd constantly have to do things that I didn't want to do. If I wasn't on the floor, beaten up, then I wasn't trying hard enough or getting the results that I thought would get me what I wanted, and I totally lost balance of where it was fun and positive.
"Nothing was ever good enough and I was looking outside of myself a lot for approval."
Speaking to other Olympians, Worthington realised that she was not alone in having those feelings. Three-time Olympic swimming champion Adam Peaty told her he went through a rough period when training became too much for him, he kept getting sick and lost his sense of balance.
Other athletes, including Olympic diving champion Tom Daley, shared similar experiences.
"So many Olympic gold medallists that I asked, 'How was your first year or two after winning gold?', they'd be like, 'Down the toilet'. Said head was all over the place, didn't really know what they were doing," Worthington said.
"If you look at the stats, most athletes that have their first big win or win their first big Olympic gold, the next year or two is often pretty rocky. You feel like you've fallen off the face of the earth and you don't know what's going on because you've just had this amazing success. Why is it not like that all the time?"
And so, when the warm days of summer arrived on the British Isles – the perfect time for riding and competitions – Worthington did exactly the opposite of her peers. Instead of scaling up her training, she took a step back from the sport.
Time off from BMX: Pause and re-evaluate
For two weeks, at the start of the summer, Worthington did not look at a bike or a gym weight.
"I felt very lost," she said. "It makes you ask a lot of questions. You ask, 'Is this what I want to do? Is it still what I want to do? Do I want to do it in a different way?'
"I sat down from a couple contests because I was going into it with the wrong perspective and it was killing me versus [getting me] feeling excited. It was more anxiety driven and dreading it, which isn't what I started it for."
After a few bike-free days, however, Worthington noticed that a bit of the old spark was coming back.
She was missing the riding so, picking up the bike, she headed out of the house once more.
“I went out with absolutely no expectations, no structure. I was like, 'I'm going to ride, see whatever comes to me'," she said. "It really had to start with that and just going with the flow a lot more because as soon as I tried to force anything to happen or think, 'I have to do this because X, Y and Z' or 'People are expecting it', I would shut down and switch off again."
Once she returned to the gym, Worthington also reassessed what exercises she was doing. Instead of focusing on quantity, she analysed how each of them was helping her and which ones she enjoyed.
That mentality transferred to Worthington's skatepark sessions as well.
Instead of sticking to a strict training schedule, she paid more attention to how her body felt and whether she felt like exercising.
"Sometimes I can go in and feel super motivated to go do my hardest, scariest things. And some days you're just tired," Worthington said. "We're athletes, we're not robots. You got to be able to enjoy it and say, 'You know what, today I'm just going to have a little cruise, enjoy some time with my friends, refresh'."
Time with friends has proven to be not only enjoyable, but also beneficial for Worthington. Their support has been crucial in helping her rediscover the joy of the sport.
"My closest friends don't care if I'm an Olympic champion or not. They're just happy to see me happy," Worthington said. "And when I started riding the bike again, everyone was like, 'Look, we don't care if you compete again or if you're here to win or not. We're just happy to see you here and be part of that', and that meant the world to me."
Charlotte Worthington: Work in progress
A few months into her break, Worthington is testing out some competitions again, but this time prioritising enjoying the process. As she discovered over the past months, enjoying the competitions is also leading to better results.
Worthington has worked with a sports psychologist since a few years ago and recently started working with a neuropsychologist to help her on that journey.
"I remember thinking, 'Yeah, that's what it felt like, ages ago, when I first started competing and when I got those best performances, that's what it felt like'," Worthington said. "I wasn't the best physically. I didn't have all my tricks, by any means. I only had a small amount of tricks as far as my riding goes, but to have that feeling of hopefulness, [be] excited, determined, just with the right amount of nerves to keep you on your toes, keep you alert, humble, focussed, it's a really good place to be in and it proves that it's so much more mental than physical.
"I'm still on the journey of rebuilding my confidence and rebuilding that foundation of what I'm doing. I want to be very careful not to slip back into old habits and go way too hard for the wrong reasons," Charlotte Worthington to OIympics.com
"The journey I'm on right now is, 'Why can't I celebrate just doing a simple something at the skate park?', like learning that new line, because that's what BMX really is. It's community, it's creativity, it's enjoyment. Those things all come first before the gruelling hard work and the gruelling hard work isn't so gruelling when you're enjoying it and you're part of the community."