Paralympic gold medallist Erin Kennedy: "Cancer made me realise what a privilege it is to get old"

In May 2022, Erin Kennedy felt like she was on top of the world.

Nine months earlier, the British para rowing cox had won Paralympic gold with the mixed coxed four at Tokyo 2020 to bolster her medal collection which also includes two world titles and a European crown.

She had never felt fitter, completing at least 10 training sessions a week on top of her coaching commitments.

But Kennedy’s world suddenly stopped when, the day before she was supposed to fly out for a competition, she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer - a form of the illness where cancer cells lack receptors for certain hormones or proteins making it more difficult to treat.

“I was 29 when I was diagnosed and at that age you feel pretty invincible,” Kennedy told Olympics.com.

“Even when I went to get my lump checked, I really didn't think anything would actually come of it, I thought it was just due diligence. So I was really taken by surprise."

Erin Kennedy: "I needed to project positivity to get that back in abundance."

Having her world suddenly come to a halt gave Kennedy plenty of time to think.

Being very aware of how her diagnosis would affect those closest to her, the Plymouth native saw that her emotions dictated her interactions with those around her.

"If I had a lot of self-pity or if I was angry at the world, people would reflect that back to you. And actually, I knew that I'm a naturally quite positive person,” she said.

"I obviously have my low moments in which I receive support from people, but I realised that I needed to project positivity to get that back in abundance."

This mindset led her to being more open about her illness, and she decided to use her platform to provide education and support for others going through similar struggles.

"Instead of saying, 'Why me?' I asked myself instead, 'What can I do in this?' One of the reasons people don't talk up about it and don't go to a doctor is because they're scared.

Kennedy’s carefully planned-out year was immediately put on ice as she began treatment.

It was a strange and different feeling for the elite athlete not to be in control of her schedule and her health.

“Chemotherapy is no walk in the park, and I was very aware in that moment that my life was about to change very significantly. And I think the most scary part of that for anyone who gets diagnosed with anything of this ilk is just not knowing what the future looks like.

“There's something going on that's much, much bigger than rowing, bigger than sport and bigger than the Paralympics. This is your health.”

Kennedy adopted a direct approach to tackling her illness, but quickly realised that her diagnosis was not just about her.

On top of having to deal with how the treatment was going to affect her body and mind, one of the Oxford University graduate’s first thoughts was about how it would also change the lives of those closest to her.

“One of the worst things about being diagnosed, particularly in the early days, is having to tell people because you're processing a lot of emotion and uncertainty,” she said.

“Bringing other people into that environment with you is really tough because you don't have the answers for them. They want to have answers for you, and ultimately, you just have to just go through it together.”

How Erin Kennedy used her hair to take control in a positive way

A favourite phrase of any athlete seeking to optimise their performance is to "control the controllables".

Knowing that she was about to relinquish almost all control of her life going into chemotherapy, there was still one big thing that Kennedy had control of.

Despite her hair being a large part of her identity, she decided to shave it off before it would most likely fall out naturally during chemotherapy.

**"**I've always had very long blonde sort of 'princess' hair and it was always like a big pre-race ritual to plait my hair before racing," she revealed.

"I wanted to essentially kind of donate my hair. And there's a great charity called Little Princess Trust that essentially does wigs for young girls and young boys who lose their hair through cancer.

"By donating it to them I thought it would lessen the trauma of losing my hair, which was one of the first things I thought about going into chemo.

"I think it's about people suddenly knowing you’re ill, particularly as a woman. If you're out and about, you can't just pop to the shops. If you are bald, almost certainly people are going to make the assumption that you are unwell and most likely having some sort of chemotherapy, despite the fact you might not feel unwell. I didn't want to be defined by that.

"Interestingly, as time went on, I embraced it a lot more. It's not about caring less what people think, but I think I became more at peace with it."

Given how successful Kennedy’s career had been in the run-up to her diagnosis, there were some major events she was invited to while undergoing treatment.

She decided to wear a wig to these events so that she would be able to look back at the photos and remember the moment positively, rather than being reminded of her illness.

"I got an MBE (Member of the British Empire award) after Tokyo, which was amazing, and I got to go to Windsor Castle and meet Princess Anne and I wanted to look well,” she said.

“Then there was my 30th birthday and my sister's wedding in a couple of weeks. I knew that I would hopefully be through treatment by then but my hair probably wouldn't be how I would choose to have it for her big day.

“I also didn't want it to be about me, so it's nice to be able to go and just blend in.

"My plan is, once I have grown my hair out enough, I'm going to donate the wig to someone who maybe can't afford one."

Breaking down stigmas around cancer and the importance of regular checks

In addition to returning to rowing, one of Kennedy’s key motivations during treatment was to use her new knowledge to help people through their own journeys with cancer, and to break down some of the stigmas associated with it.

But rather than focussing only on chemotherapy, she wanted to shine a light on the pre-diagnosis stage, where early detection could make all the difference in terms of making a recovery.

"A good phrase that has come out of this is to 'know your normal', or knowing what normal is for you," she said.

"Especially with potentially embarrassing symptoms associated with bowel cancer, testicular cancer, breast cancer, ovarian cancer... maybe it isn't a dinner table conversation, but it’s about having the confidence to know what your normal is and to go get checked because you don't have experience of what other people's normal is.

"My biggest message would be, particularly for women and thinking about breast cancer, is checking for changes once a month, particularly because your breasts change around your periods and things like that.

“Try to do it at the same time every month and look and feel and see if anything changes. It's not always a lump, it could be a dimpling or a change in your skin texture. It doesn't cost anything to go get checked and you're not wasting anyone's time.”

On her journey back to health, Kennedy also became aware of the benefits of staying fit and healthy before chemotherapy, in addition to the recovery process.

“Maintaining fitness is a big thing. For me, maintaining some sort of fitness and staying healthy was something that was important for my mental health, but now I was being told it was so important for my physical health going into chemotherapy," she said.

"There are certain types of chemo where you're actually exercising whilst receiving the treatment - some places have exercise bikes for when literally the drugs come into your body and being active afterwards."

Erin Kennedy: "Life is too short to do things you don't love and enjoy."

For some people, the cancer is too far advanced and the reality is that it often shortens lives.

Kennedy made close friendships with other individuals receiving treatment on their cancer ward for young adults under the age of 30, who sadly died a short time later.

It would be near-impossible to go through these life-changing experiences and not have both a new perspective on life, and a new sense of self, and the athlete was no exception.

“It's taught me so much about me and myself and my resilience,” Kennedy said.

“It also really did make me think what a privilege it is to get old. When I turned 30, I was like, 'Wow, I'm lucky to turn 30.' I hope that it will stay with me for the rest of my life because ageing is an absolute privilege that is not there for everybody.

“Life is too short to do things you don't love and enjoy. I feel so blessed that I'm in a sport which I love. But if I wasn’t excited to return to rowing, I would have been excited to find my new passion."

Aiming for the Paris 2024 Paralympic Games

In March, Kennedy and her support network received the news they had been waiting for: that she was clear of cancer.

She was then clear to get back to rowing and trying to retain Team GB’s Paralympic gold medal at Paris 2024 - a thought which had occupied her mind since before her diagnosis.

"I was literally sitting in Tokyo looking forward to Paris because, with Tokyo 2020, I was just grateful to be there,” she said.

"But we knew how much more we had in us as a team, and what we could have and would have in Paris - with crowds and the atmosphere.

“I get goosebumps thinking about it. I think it will be momentous in so many ways and, yeah, I just really, really want to be there."

So has she thought about a hairstyle for her pre-race ritual this season?

“It's interesting because I haven't... I'm looking forward to racing this season. I'm going to have to do something new!"