New Zealand rugby player Campbell Johnstone: "In my head being gay was not a part of that image"
In an exclusive interview with Olympics.com, the first openly-gay All Black rugby player reveals why he hid his sexuality, the contradictions of living a double life, and how young athletes can break down these stereotypes.
Rugby Sevens
Growing up as a rugby prodigy in New Zealand, Campbell Johnstone felt that he could never reveal his true self.
Even after the man-mountain prop had played three times for his national team, the mighty All Blacks, and become a mainstay of the country’s top domestic men's side the Canterbury Crusaders, he wasn’t comfortable coming out as gay due to stereotypical attitudes of what a rugby player should be.
“I guess it comes from the New Zealand social environment, because we are a country of farmers and our founders were these strong men that cultivated the land and built the country,” Johnstone told Olympics.com.
“There was this impression, which is not right, but it was in my head that being gay was was not a part of that image.
“So I just pushed that away and kept it hidden.”
Campbell retired from the sport in 2014 after a stint playing abroad, most notably at French powerhouse Biarritz.
Then, in January 2023, the 43-year-old decided to come out on a New Zealand TV show, making him the first openly gay All Black.
Close friends and family were already aware of his sexuality. Johnstone and his support network thought the news would make domestic headlines at a push. They were subsequently astounded at its global interest, and the impact it had around the world.
“We naively thought it may have been of interest for the New Zealand public and possibly the Australian rugby community too,” he continued.
“But it's spread around the world like wildfire which was a bit nerve wracking, but it was also very humbling to see that people globally connected to the story, so I’m really happy we did it."
“The biggest surprise was that people started telling me their story and how me coming out had actually helped them and kept them going in their sport." - Campbell Johnstone to Olympics.com
“We went in with the idea of trying to help just one person, which would have been a success. But it’s given so many people hope, so it's been fantastic.
“The only thing that I do look back at and I am a little bit disappointed in myself, is the fact that I wasn't strong enough and I wasn't at peace with myself enough to come out earlier, which maybe that could have helped more people sooner rather than later.”
The contradiction of Campbell Johnstone's double life
One of the key reasons behind Jonstone’s revelation was to educate the public as to how confusing it was to be a gay elite athlete.
While the image of rugby was the thing preventing him from coming out, playing the sport also provided him with total freedom and salvation from having to think about it.
“It was like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because the thing that actually gave me the relief from the anxiety and stress of my double life was actually playing rugby,” he said.
“It gave me so much enjoyment and I love the game so much. But then I would come home and the anxiety would come back. So I guess the harder times for me were when I wasn't playing rugby or with my team, because your mind does wander and then you start suppressing what are actually your natural thoughts.”
Campbell Johnstone: “I want create a new, caring environment, built on respect.”
Johnstone’s phone hasn’t stopped buzzing since his powerful interview.
The Waipukurau native constantly receives messages on social media from people who have taken strength from his courage, from journalists wanting to hear more, and from rugby clubs wanting him to speak to their players.
The same clubs, ironically, that Johnstone thought may not appreciate him coming out during his career.
“I’ve been telling the players that if you're open to each other's communication and are aware of what your teammates or your colleagues are going through off the field, it makes your team environment a lot stronger, because it is it that that point of caring and knowing each other, and building trust.
“I wanted to open this door and create a new, caring environment, built on respect.”
But rather than change the fundamental image of the sport, he wants to build upon it to make it an even more inclusive place.
“We don't ever want to go away from the fact that on the field it’s full-on combat. It's brutal, and that’s why we love it,” he continued.
“But away from the field, that shouldn’t stop you from communicating with your teammates on a higher level, and just being caring and respectful.” - Campbell Johnstone to Olympics.com
A month after Johnstone’s television interview, Czech footballer Jakub Jankto became the highest-profile current male footballer to announce he is gay.
While Johnstone is certain that his own announcement would not have played a major factor in Jankto’s decision, he was happy that another athlete had come forward to help break down the barriers of stereotyping.
“It's fantastic, it's really good to see. I’m sure it's been overwhelming and humbling for him as well, but it shows young aspiring sports people that there are really no boundaries,” Johnstone said.
“It just takes away the stigma and helps people out there in sport realise that a goal is not determined by your sexuality, race, or religion, it's determined by your determination, your focus, your attitude, and your desire to achieve that goal.”
Johnstone is trying to make sport, and society, a more accepting place of everyone’s sexual orientation.
However, despite feeling a mix of happiness and relief since coming out, he insists that others should only do the same when they feel it is the right time.
“I would say to any young athlete or any young person that there is no law about coming out. You don't have to do it if you don't feel like it's good for you,” he said.
“And there's no law about how many people you have to tell. If you find that you've got a lot of anxiety and stress because of it, then maybe just tell one person and that’s also fine. It's purely your own personal decision and you shouldn't be pressured by other people.
“Just make sure that you have a safe network behind you that can help and always be mindful that there may be some people that will not respond to you straight away in a great way, but also be mindful that they probably need time to process the whole topic you’re explaining to them. I'm sure after they've processed that, they'll come back to you and they'll be just open to you.
“We want to get to a point where people don't have to come out, because we’ll be at a place where everyone just respects everyone else’s sexuality, religion, and race. That's where we want to get to, and I think we'll get there very quickly.”