Mariah Bell recounts Olympic debut in her own words: ‘I hope I'm not in a dream'

Nearly a decade into her senior international figure skating career, Mariah Bell has had her best season to date at age 25: She was U.S. national champion for the first time in January, earning her a spot on the three-woman team for the Olympic Winter Games Beijing 2022.

Bell was the oldest American female singles skater to win a national title in a century, and after a fall in the short program in Beijing, she rebounded to skate a thrilling free, earning 10th place overall.

In an exclusive essay for Olympics.com, Bell recounts her Olympic experience - and what it truly felt like to skate surrounded by the iconic rings she had so long dreamed about. This week (23-27 March), she is skating at the World Figure Skating Championships, in Montpellier, France.

'I'm literally living in a dream'

It's like a heartache feeling because you just want it so badly.

That’s what experience has taught me: I know all the work that I've put in and the sacrifices that I've made to achieve all the dreams that I have.

Being center ice in Beijing, the Olympic rings are everywhere and it's something that I’ve dreamed of forever. In the moment, it’s weird to find that balance between being so beyond excited and also realizing that it's also just another sheet of ice. Just like the one I skate on every day.

I'm not as nervous as I usually would be because I'm so excited, but it's hard: It just feels like I'm literally living in a dream and I can't really put words to it. It’s... amazing.

My free skate to “Hallelujah” has always felt like a program that I can really wrap my head around and be in the moment. I love the music so much. All I wanted from the Olympics - I didn't have a specific placement in mind - all I wanted was to have a moment of pure elation after a program, and I just felt like I was completely capable of doing that with my long program.

I feel really prepared.

'You have a different perspective as you get older'

I've always been a fighter, but in this moment, it is just about this dream that I had, and I have kept telling myself, ‘You’re just so close. I know you can do this.’

My skate itself wasn't perfect, but it reminds me of the process: Getting there wasn't perfect, either.

As I finish the free, it is still what I wanted for myself. And it’s one of those moments where I say to myself, ‘I hope I'm not in a dream. I hope this really happened.’

Because I am so proud of this moment.

I touched the ice as I was leaving it. I had somebody tell me earlier in the day to - before I left the ice - just really take it all in. Feel the ice, turn around. Take a mental picture.

So I did.

I got that moment at the end that I was so wanting. I look back at all of it – at the challenges I’ve faced in my career - and I'm so proud and grateful for all the people that were involved. Getting there was hard.

I'm just so proud of everything and grateful for the highs and the lows and the good and the bad. Whatever along the way happened the way it was supposed to. I got to go to the Olympics and I had that moment for myself. That's the most important thing to me.

You just have a different perspective as you get older: You realize all the things that have gone into it. This has been my profession and it’s why I love that figure skating is so expressive. I get to put all of that into my performances.

I don't see why I would stop right now. I don't know if another four years is in the cards for me, but I think this next season would be really fun. I'm national champion, so I can kind of ride the excitement of that and just completely enjoy my skating.

That’s always the goal: To enjoy it – and in doing so, I share that with others, I think.

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As told to Nick McCarvel.